Today was Karson's 1st day of Pre-K.
That sentence seems unreal to me. It seems truly impossible for her to be old enough to go to school. Real school. Every day school. But she went. We drove up, we walked her to her room, and we left. It sounds so simple. But simple is a complete understatement for how I was feeling the entire time.
She is attending afternoon Pre-K, so we had the entire morning at home together. I tried to stay positive and cheery. I tried to spend good, quality time with her, without making her feel like I was hovering over her every move. I tried to not cry every time I looked at her. Thankfully Rus was able to come home in the middle of the day so that he would get to go with us to take her. As we drove up to the school my heart started to pound. Hold it together. I got out of the car and started to get Campbell out of her car seat. Hold it together. As I was unbuckling her seat, it was as if someone sucked the air out of me. It seemed so wrong. I should be unbuckling Karson out of a rear-facing seat. I should not be about to walk her into "big girl" school. Hold it together.
As the air came back into my lungs, we began to make the walk up to the door. Karson and I were talking about what a great time she was going to have and how many new friends she was going to make. Hold it together. We entered the building and found her room. The teachers had her class sitting in the hallway. (As a teacher, I couldn't help but smile at this. In my mind I was singing their praises because I could tell that they were going to teach them from day 1 how to enter the classroom. ROCK ON LADIES!!!). Mrs. Kendall and Mrs. Pearson greeted Kars with a smile and put a name tag on her dress. Hold it together. I helped Karson find a seat next to a friend. I leaned down to give her a hug and tell her how much I loved her. Hold it together. Rus gave her big hugs and we started down the hallway to leave. I could feel my chest tightening and the tears starting to fill my eyes, but I knew I had to give her one last smile. I turned back to look at her, and there she sat. She had those big blue eyes focused on us and gave me a grin. Hold it together.
We reached the door, and the air was once again sucked from my lungs. I tried to maintain some sort of composure until we reached the car, but as I was putting Campbell back in her seat, I could no longer keep it from coming. Out came the sobs. Rus immediately said, "You can't do that, because then I'll do it." Before leaving the parking lot, we both sat there and cried quietly. It was one of those moments as a parent when you just feel it in the deepest part of your heart that things have changed.
Her school day only lasts 2 1/2 hours. It's not the time that she's away from me. Her school building is only 4 miles from our house. It's not the distance that she's away from me. She will be going to school every day. It's not the days of the week that she's away from me. It's the fact that this is the beginning of letting go. It's the fact that next year she'll let go a little more and the next year a little more, and so on. This is what we raise them to do. I know that. I wouldn't want it to be any other way, but it's just so hard to do.
While talking (or should I say crying) to my mom today, she reminded me of the Bible verse that says, "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19. These are the times that I am treasuring. These are the times that I will ponder in my heart. Even way back when Jesus was born, Mary felt the ache of letting go. The Lord understands my heart. He feels the same way.
I picked her up at 3:30 and she was all smiles. She had an "awesome day". I wouldn't have traded that smile for anything. Not even keeping her home with me all to myself.
Tomorrow will be easier.
Big girl posing with her back-pack! She was so ready to go!!!
Here's Campbell trying to look big like Sissy. 
Daddy's girl!
Me and my girls! This was not an easy walk to take, but I wouldn't have let anyone else do it.
Waiting outside her classroom. We talked about the sitting like a lady and not showing your panties...ummmmm...I think we need to have that talk again! :)
